In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize