new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
