This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
