so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
