Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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