I wish they made helmets for livers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
