it's too hot outside to masturbate.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
