Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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