Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
