And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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