she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
