Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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