I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
