If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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