i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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