i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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