Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize