I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Still dying that you shit outside
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
