help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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