The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
