Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
