ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
