dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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