I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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