just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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