I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
