My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
