Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
