mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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