im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
