Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
