i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
