i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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