I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You can't special order awesome
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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