Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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