Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
