I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
