Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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