just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
