I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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