As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
