smell my finger.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize