Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
