Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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