Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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