Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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