plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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