Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
