Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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