I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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