I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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