I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize