my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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