i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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