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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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