Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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