Where did you get a picture of my penis
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize