nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
