I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
