Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
