i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
