all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
