He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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