That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
