dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
