I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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