textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize