isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
