I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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