this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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