oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What a dumb baby whore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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