You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
