My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
