dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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