I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
