Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
