Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
