Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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