remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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