my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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