I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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