It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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