So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
