I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
