What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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