i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
