Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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