i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
