Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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