my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
