Cold hands, warm shart.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
