from now on my penis is your penis
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
