I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
