I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
