Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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