he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
