your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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