what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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